


Everything I Touch

by shishcabob22



Series: I Thought I Wouldn't Miss You (Until You Were Gone) [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 9x12, Dean wants his brother back, Gen, Sam doesn't want to be brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 03:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14968205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shishcabob22/pseuds/shishcabob22
Summary: Both brothers' take on Sam and Dean's talk at the end of 9x12.





	1. Sam

"Listen, that night that, uh, you know, we went our separate ways..."

"You mean the night you split?"

Because that's what had happened. Sam had needed his brother, no matter how angry he was at him, and Dean bailed for his own selfish, self-pitying reasons. Just like always.

 Dean nodded. "Fair enough." He hesitated for a moment. "I was messed up, man. Kevin was dead and I... I don't know what I was."

_Oh, so we're playing the pity card, are we?_

Sam nodded. "Okay."

"Hell, maybe I still don't. But, uh, I know I took a piece of you in the process and for that..." Dean looked Sam in the eye, clearly trying to convey his apology without actually saying it. _That's all you're sorry for?_

"Somebody changed the playbook man, you know? It's like what's right is wrong, and what's wrong is more wrong, and... I just know that when...when we rode together..."

"Split the crappiness."

"Yeah. So..." Dean tilted his head toward the car without making eye contact.

In that moment, Sam felt a flash of sympathy and concern for his brother. He did know what it was like to feel like the rules had been flipped on you. Sam could see how desperate Dean was, how he was teetering just on the edge of depression. Sam didn't want to be the one to push him in, but he needed Dean to see. To understand how far he'd gone this time.

"Okay."

Dean raised his eyes to Sam's. "Okay."

"But something's broken here, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "I'm not saying that it's not, I... I'm just saying maybe we need to put a couple of W's on the board and we can get past all this."

Sam felt a rush of anger. He was done pulling his punches. "I don't think so. No, I wish, but... We don't see things the same way anymore. Our roles in this whole thing. Back in that church? Talking me out of boarding up hell? Or tricking me into letting Gadreel possess me? I can't trust you. Not the way I thought I could. Not the way I should be able to."

Dean looked away and released an artificial breath of laughter before looking back at Sam. "Okay, look. Whatever happened, we are family, okay?"

Sam looked at him in disbelief. "You say that like it's some sort of cure-all. Like it can change the fact that everything that has ever gone wrong between us has been because we're family."

"So what, we're not family anymore?"

"I'm saying you want to work? Let's work. If you want to be brothers..."

For a moment, the exposed, shattered man Sam saw in Dean's eyes made him want to take it all back. Then Dean's shields came back up, and Sam buried his empathy. Dean needed to understand.

"Well, those are my terms."

Dean nodded, and turned towards the impala. There was a slump to his shoulders that hadn't been there before, but in the moment, Sam didn't care.

Dean needed to understand.

 

 

 


	2. Dean

The drive back to the bunker was a long one.

_"I can't trust you."_

Dean cranked up the radio as soon as they hit the freeway, trying to drown out the awkward silence. Sam didn't complain, and Dean didn't ask.

_"Everything that has ever gone wrong between us has been because we're family."_

When they finally pulled into the bunker's garage, Dean felt like the tense atmosphere was suffocating him. He and Sam parted ways to their respective rooms as quickly as possible. 

_"So what, we're not family now?"_

Dean laid on top of his covers for what seemed like hours, blocking out his own destructive thoughts with rock music. His arm burned where the Mark had burrowed into his skin.

_"I'm saying you want to work? Let's work."_

Eventually the burning on his arm became overwhelming and he rolled out of bed, leaving his headphones on his dresser. Dean made his way to the bathroom and leaned over the sink, peering at himself in the mirror. He ran his hand over the scruff on his jaw. Dean knew he should shave, but he couldn't bring himself to care much about his appearance. The bags under his eyes were testimony to that. 

_"If you want to be brothers..."_

Dean found himself in the kitchen with an all-too-tempting bottle of jack. He eyed his laptop sitting innocently on the kitchen table. If his broth--if Sam asked, he could say he stayed up doing research or something. For now, he just wanted to feel numb. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in this series, tell me if you have any ideas or inspiration you want me to add to past or future parts of it. Constructive criticism always welcome!


End file.
